Just before Christmas last year, my mother was getting ready to run some errands when her heart began to race uncontrollably. She ended up having to be hospitalized for a few days, but thankfully the doctors were able to do their thing and now she’s out and back to being her awesome self. During her stay in the hospital my son and I visited her regularly. I was strong, and was able to maintain a positive and encouraging attitude-right up until I wasn’t. On about the fourth day my armor started to crack and I began lashing out, yelling at an employee and snapping at the people closest to me. Around 9PM that night, as I stepped off the elevator to my apartment, I just fell apart. Terrified my mother wasn’t going to come home, I started bawling. So, I called her in her hospital room and told her how I was so scared, how I had been unkind to people I cared about, and she spoke to me like I was a little kid again, reminding me to be nice. I was a frightened grown man, crying on his kitchen floor, being comforted by his hospitalized mom.
What is fear, really?
I won’t act like I never snap at people close to me, but other than that one time last December, I don’t yell at people on my team. I don’t even know what I was yelling about, which shows how unimportant the supposed offense was. I do know this though: every time I yell, or say something hurtful, underneath that anger and frustration is some kind of fear.
It’s obvious that anger is safer to express than fear. Showing fear can get us laughed at. Showing fear can sometimes cause people to lose faith in our ability to do whatever it is they feel they need us to do. Showing fear can get us pushed to the back of the line, or left behind by people we wish would stay in our lives. In some especially sad cases, being fearful can get us taunted or physically assaulted. Fear is just not a very welcome emotion. Continue Reading …